The greatest baseball player of all time

From Darryl, by Darryl Strawberry:

"At the time I joined the team, they said that I had the potential to become the greatest baseball player of all time. Believe it or not, that made me sick to my stomach. It's one thing for a John Mosely or a Brooks Hurst - two baseball coaches from my childhood in Los Angeles - to tell you privately and during moments of doubt and frustration that you shouldn't give up because you have great potential. It's quite another for the sportswriters of the world to write about your potential as if they, not you, had all the rights to your future. My career had become their property. Even the Mets had gotten into the act. As a result, the Darryl Strawberry who was the human being had simply, but not at all quietly, ceased to exist."

That may be the director's note.

Director's note

Today's the deadline I was given to provide a director's note for the program. I've never been a big fan of the director's note, and this one is especially tricky for me.

Part of the reason this show resonates so deeply for me, which I've semi-consciously avoided talking about here, is the fact that I've seen firsthand the tragic realities of suicidal depression. It's now been almost four years since my girlfriend committed suicide after fighting against depression for most of her life. We lived together for almost two years, and during that time I watched as she wrestled with her demons, visited as she checked herself into a psych clinic, and tried to help as best I could.

Carrie, who I did and still do love deeply, lost that battle with her demons. She died in May of 2002, and there really aren't any days that I don't think about her and miss her.

I've remained close with her family in the last few years, and they've been doing tremendous work in Rockford and Chicago to raise awareness and support for people struggling with depression and people, like us, who are left to cope with the loss of someone we love. I want to be able to honor her and remember her and help her family with this show, and I'm hoping her family and the experience of this show will help me as I continue to recover.

To return to the point at hand, I don't know how much of this, if any, to include in a director's note in the program. Clearly, my own experiences affect the way I approach this story and the way I want to tell it. Just as clearly, though, this is not (at least not completely) what this story is about.

I spent some time last night jotting down words and images, trying to figure out what this story really is about. Not just for me, not just for the ways we can use the production to help depression support groups, but what is this play really about? Here's a partial list:

• identity
• suicidal depression
• the pressure of success
• baseball
• loneliness
• mental health
• normalcy
• defining success
• absurd priorities of health insurance
• rebirth
• recovery
• friendship
• being a "wannabe"

It's a lot of stuff. And I'd rather have the play explain all that than try to fit it into 500 words that a few people might glance at in the half light of intermission.

Get your tickets now!

We have a final (I think) version of the poster design, and tickets are now available at www.eclipsetheatre.com.

First rehearsal

Rehearsals formally began last night with a read through of the script and presentations from our designers. I shared with everyone the Boswell quote that's been kicking around in my head for some time now. The designers are all on their game; even our dramaturg, who just joined the team last week, had an impressive collection of research.

We had a few people just there to listen, too, which was fun, and they had some good feedback afterwards (the vortex will work, I'm told). And we kept our focus pretty well - we're all pretty close, much more familiar with one another than most casts, and I'm not the best at ruling with an iron fist, so I've been a little concerned about how much time we'll waste with inside jokes and giggling. Last night was a good start, though - we only descended into silliness a few times. Or perhaps ascended; I'm not sure.

The reading itself was solid - the actors have wonderful voices, they blend together well, and everybody's already starting to make some strong choices. It'll give me a lot to work with in the next few weeks.

We'll be sitting down with the script for the next two rehearsals, picking our way slowly through it as we ask questions, find answers, and explore these ideas and characters. Sometimes we won't find answers right away, and sometimes our initial answers will turn out to be wrong, but that's all part of the process. We've got some hyper-intellectual, curious and talkative people (myself included) in this group, so it should be fascinating to see where these conversations go.

About those chickens

So the story goes like this: Dana, who's in a psychiatric clinic and feigning multiple-personality disorder by pretending she thinks she's Darryl Strawberry, is working on a series of paintings of baseball-playing chickens. Everybody with me so far?

Keep in mind, by the way, this is not a comedy.

So I've been wrestling with the aesthetics of these chickens for a while. Back when I was thinking about staging this in the round I was dealing with the reality that we could never fully hide the paintings from the audience, since they're all around us, and I felt like the way the chickens would look in each individual audience member's head would always be more interesting than any specific baseball-playing chickens we could come up with. The script isn't clear as to whether the audience sees the paintings or not, but Rebecca tells me previous productions have had real paintings. Real baseball-playing chicken paintings. Sorry; I just can't stop saying that.

So now that we're in a thrust stage (the audience completely surrounds three sides of the stage), we have a couple of options. Mike wants to paint the chickens, and he's using some fantastic Leroy Neiman paintings of baseball players as inspiration.

My sense at the moment is that the set design puts us in a pretty abstract world, and so I'm willing to accept the idea that empty frames are being used to indicate the paintings and allow the audience to imagine. Mike says he understands where I'm coming from, and he wants to keep painting the chickens (baseball-playing chickens) so we have them as an option as we go into tech rehearsals. He's a good man.

I'm curious to see how I feel about this when we're actually in the theatre putting things together.

Slightly less early thoughts

Time for a quick update:

set

mike picked up my thoughts and ran with them. He also brought a little m.c. escher and leroy neiman to the table, and he's created a floor that gives us a subtle sense of the depression and pressure of dana's life - it's a dark vortex that spirals into itself, and trapped in that (escaping from it, perhaps?) are several abstracted frames, some of which surface from the vortex and the stage floor enough to become tables, a bench, a door, and a window or hanging painting. the challenge is going to be keeping this concept present without letting it overwhelm the audience's ability to focus on the characters and the story. he's going to paint a few of dana's baseball-playing chickens, too, although i'm leaning towards using empty frames and relying on suspension of disbelief within the world we'll be creating.

lights

chris's challenge is now to find ways to use the vortex on the floor - keep it hidden, or at least subtle, for the most part, and allow it to intrude on dana's world and our world in specific moments. and with an abstract set with no set changes, he'll need to define space and create boundaries.

sound

toy liked the monk, out of the music i played her, and she had been listening to some traditional baseball-related music (i.e. da-da-da-da-da-da-charge!). we both liked the way monk's style gives you melodies but also throws you off with his rythyms and combinations of tones, and she's going to tap a friend to record some original piano that plays with both of these ideas. i'm still hoping to get an acoustic version of "centerfield" to listen to, too.

costumes

joel wants to stay simple - neutral colors, clean lines, simple costume changes that can happen onstage or quickly off. he wants to put dana mostly in white, or more accuratley an off-white that'll read white against the rest of his palette.

Opening day

I've been meeting with people pretty regularly the last two weeks; clarifying decisions with designers, imagining possibilities with actors, and confirming logistics with stage managers.

A few people just read the script for the first time - we just brought on board an assistant director, a dramaturg and a friend of mine from college who's going to try out the acoustic take on "centerfield" - and it's been great to hear first impressions, fresh views on a story I've been obsessed with for months.

We start tonight. First rehearsal. We'll have quick presentations from all the designers, a little bit of paperwork, and then I'll just ask the actors to read through the script out loud, and we'll all listen and dream.

Chip away

Rehearsals begin a week from tonight.
There's so much to catch up on (in terms of blogging) that it feels intimidating - I'll try to take it one post at a time. First, a picture:


That's Janelle Snow as Dana as Darryl Strawberry. It wasn't a planned shot; I asked her to try the pose once as we were taking a variety of shots with Kevin and Gary. Glad I did.

It's part of our marketing now at www.eclipsetheatre.com. I've been told that Victory Gardens has started receiving calls for tickets.

Early thoughts on design elements

I'm meeting with the production team in just under two weeks, and I'm trying to articulate my thoughts about the technical elements of the show in preparation. Here's a quick sketch of my ideas at this point - of course, I'm looking forward to the designers' thoughts, and I hope they're better than mine, honestly. But I think it's helpful for them to know where my head is at, and it's helpful for me to have to think about this stuff clearly enough to explain it to someone else. Or to write it here.

set

needs to be open, simple, versatile - abstract? minimal - we can't take much time at all with scene changes. i had been thinking about staging in the round, but it doesn't look like that will work, so we need some kind of constant backdrop - i'm not sure what that needs to be right now. the shape of a baseball diamond could be interesting to play with as a playing space or in a more subtle way. i'm thinking a lot about empty frames - representing dana's paintings, but also hanging in a way that could establish walls, indicate paintings, mirrors, tvs, etc. i'm thinking the colors need to be pretty simple.

lights

they need to establish different places, and indicate a shift in tone throughout the scenes. soft colors. distinct areas. shadows could be really interesting - playing with hiding and revealing.

sound

i have some songs i've been listening to ("carrying cathy" by ben folds, a piano version of "for you" by bruce springsteen, some thelonius monk, and i keep hearing a mellow, introspective take on john fogerty's "centerfield," among others), but i'm not sure yet if the play needs an original score or recognizable songs, or some combination of the two. the sound design can establish and/or counter the shifting tones. it definitely needs to quickly connect scenes and keep the whole piece driving forward.

costumes

i'm thinking the color palette needs to be pretty simple - any bright colors need to have a reason for being there. dana is mostly, if not all, in black and white. distinction between characters can be simple too - a few details can indicate the difference as an actor switches roles.

props

simple. minimal. only what's necessary to tell the story.

A quick note on the first read through

The first trip through the script was fantastic. The basic rhythms were there, the actors' voices complemented each other nicely, and I'm pretty sure everybody had a good time.

I'm hoping this gives us some strong momentum as we go through the next two months - we've got the first official rehearsal set for February 1. It's important to me to know that we'll all be thinking about this story as we go through our lives. I hope that the cast enjoyed their little taste of working together, and we'll all be itching to bust out of the starting gate come spring.

First read

I've asked the actors to gather this evening for an early first read through of the script. It's a little unusual, at least for us, to start this early, but I feel like it's important for me to be able to hear their voices play with these words that have been jangling around in my head for months in my voice. I also want to establish tonight a sense of community and purpose, so the next few months will be a period of research and reflection and looking forward to getting back together, instead of just a few months off (Actually, I doubt anyone will truly be "off" - I know I'll be working on several projects in the meantime).

So tonight is really a beginning of sorts - it's the first time we'll meet as a group of artists focused on a common goal.

Should be fun.

Talley and Son

The first read through is scheduled for next week, after the Thanksgiving holiday. It'll be my first chance to hear the script out loud in the voices of the actors. It'll give me a lot to think about and explore in my mind over the next two months.

Eclipse is running Talley and Son right now at Victory Gardens Theatre. I have a small role as Emmett, the handyman. I spend a lot of time doing crossword puzzles and reading plays in the dressing room, and I wander out on stage for a few minutes in act two to be a part of a fantastic scene with some great actors. It's been fun for me; a little more relaxing than producing was, and a little more creative.

The reviews have been positive so far, especially this one from the Daily Herald:

"To say Eclipse saved the best for last slights its impressive predecessors. Consider 'Talley & Son' a stellar example of what comes when a first-rate playwright and first-rate ensemble converge."

That's pretty cool.

Say it's so, Joe

The White Sox have won the World Series (if you're looking for breaking news, this ain't the place), finishing a strong run through the postseason with a sweep of the Houston Astros. They won it in four games, each of which could have gone either way. They won it with the bag of tricks that champions normally win with - strong pitching, outstanding defense, and timely hitting. They won it by playing as a team, sacrificing and supporting and surprising themselves at times (anyone know the over-under for Podsednik home runs in the postseason?).

Before Game One, Fox Sports set the scene for us with a five-minute or so introduction to the teams and the series. They decided to focus not on the stories of the current teams, but on the events of eighty-six years ago. The piece featured actors portraying the players of the 1919 White Sox, who were banned from baseball for allegedly taking a dive in the World Series, and an actor playing the man who, as a child, famously pleaded with Shoeless Joe Jackson: "Say it ain't so, Joe."

I think the focus that Fox chose to take for their introduction to the 2005 series tells us something about the power that baseball has in our memories and our imaginations. Baseball fans, very few of whom were alive to remember the Black Sox scandal, understand the importance of a myth that has survived generations.

We understand baseball, and we use it to explore the best and the worst of human society - we look at the story of eight players choosing money over victory, and we are fascinated by the tragic flaws of these very human characters in the same way we're fascinated by Raskalnikov, Hamlet, Oedipus ...

And we hold on to the hope and the faith - we place our emotional connection with the boy trying to wrestle with the reality of unrequited faith. We plead with our heroes, asking them to show us the best in ourselves, not the worst.

Eighty-six years later, we see a starting rotation dominate a five game series with the Angels, we see power hitters taking outs to move runners over, and we see Juan Uribe diving into the stands to protect a one run lead. Eighty-six years later, Ozzie Guillen and his team of regular guys have given validation to those who have kept the faith.

This is why baseball is important, and it's why it has the power to resonate through generations and speak so strongly as metaphor. 1919 may seem like a long time ago, but it's not too long to still be seeking redemption.

And yeah, I'm a Cubs fan and I'd like to see some redemption for the whole goat thing, too, but I'm enough of a fan of baseball and observer of human nature to appreciate the literal and metaphorical accomplishments of the baseball team from the South Side.

The cast list

I've had several long conversations with Rebecca and Anish and other sounding boards I like to use as we sort through the enormously talented people we saw at auditions and callbacks. There were honestly some very difficult decisions, but I think we're all in agreement that we've got a spectacular cast.

We just got the last confirmations Monday - all actors have now committed, so we've got our team.

Dana - Janelle Snow
Gary/Roy - Gary Simmers
Erica/Dr. Stanton - Frances Wilkerson
Brian/Michael - Kevin Scott
Rhonda/Dr. Gilbert - Kerry (Cox) Richlan

It's a hell of a team. More to come.

Casting

We've got some difficult decisions to make this week. Difficult decisions for the right reasons, though - we saw some great work at callbacks, and we have a few very good options for each character. I have a few days to think and talk and make a final decision, with help from a producer and, amazingly it still seems, the playwright.

It's all about energy and look and how actors relate to one another. Anish explained it to me this way yesterday: you can choose either (we were discussing two actors up for Dana at the time), and either will be great, but you'd end up with two very different shows. It's true for every character, every actor. So now's the time to decide which show is the right show.

The White Sox lead the Astros two games to none. In the World Series.

The storm before the calm

Callbacks tomorrow. I'm reading the script almost every day now, and I've got a playlist of songs that feel right to me as I'm reading.

It feels a little weird to know that we won't really start to work for a long time after casting the show - the first read through is scheduled for early February. We do it primarily (in my mind at least) to make sure we have the opportunity to look at actors before they commit to something else (we've lost three actors we wanted to call back because of other opportunities), which is a good thing. But it means that I'll build a team to tell this story, and then everybody parts ways for three months.

I'm planning to have an informal non-rehearsal soon after casting is complete, and I'm hoping I can keep the show and the production in everyone's minds through the winter.

First things first, though - I have a show to cast.

Character notes

Some thoughts I had jotted down after two sessions of auditions, trying to clarify who these characters are and what I'm looking for as we move into callbacks. I don't know how much sense this will make, or how interesting it is, but then, I don't know that anybody's reading this anyway.



general

ability to play opposites/commit to strong choices. ability to find moments. tiny moments. connections need to be strong. honesty.

dana

her vulnerability is clear - what's more interesting to watch is her fighting to be strong - finding the defense mechanisms that help her to not be overwhelmed by the heaviness. she plays with language a lot - words, ideas, irony. there needs to be humor too - some of which she's trying for, some of which just happens. it's more than just a fake happy face - it's a sarcastic extreme of cheerfulness that she can play with at times. she needs to connect with the other actors, and she needs to have some teacher qualities (i.e. listening, patience, empathy). can't forget, though, there's a manic energy (desperation) that's just barely visible underneath all her defenses. too much would be bad, but it's gotta be always creeping under the surface

gary/roy

already cast, but here's some thoughts anyway. roy needs to show some of the exhaustion of being with someone suffering depression. guilt at the end, too. for not having been there. in between there's a lot of genuine support for dana. he's also an artist who's apparently doing worse than she is - what does that mean to their relationship? gary can be intense, as long as it's honest. he's tough and sometimes cynical, but he's also a teacher at heart - his connections are real, and his concern for dana is real. he's also very smart (vocabulary, perceptive).

michael/brian

brian can go pretty far towards being a cocky, self-absorbed, smooth as silk little prick, or he could be a nice guy getting caught up in the artificiality of success. not sure yet. michael is an observer/listener - and he's got a lot of empathy and a genuine desire to support dana. I'm not sure yet how openly or flamboyantly gay he can be (not much is my sense at the moment), but he's definitely open about himself, and he seems to protect himself with self-effacing humor at times.

rhonda/gilbert

rhonda needs to show poise - she's strong and confident in her environment. she's direct, especially when she's got high status. maybe even arrogance at times. certainly pride. shit just flows out of her mouth. gilbert needs to balance empathy and cynicism, and do it with honesty.

erica/stanton

erica plays low status most of the time - she can be tentative and supportive, but underneath that she does have some pretty ambitious goals. she's indecisive when outside her comfort zone, but she can be very direct with dana (eventually). stanton is confident, warm, strong. she needs to show genuine empathy for dana. she takes a huge risk in allowing dana to be darryl (unless she honestly buys it, which I have a hard time buying right now).

Callbacks

We've been holding auditions these last two weeks for Sweetest Swing. They've been a lot of fun to watch, and I think there's a great mix of energies coming in to callbacks this Sunday. I had asked actors to look over scenes from the show, and we paired actors to read together in a semi-cold reading.

I jotted down some notes before auditions to try to articulate what I'm looking for. I guess I should have done it here, but it turns out this is a hard habit to get used to. Well, they're here now, at least some of them:

"…ability to play opposites (commit to strong choices). ability to find moments. tiny little moments."

I would include my notes about specific characters, but after seeing the choices actors are making, my thoughts are a lot more specific, so I'll add those notes next.

That's the coolest thing to see at auditions - actors making strong choices, especially unexpected ones. Some of them are completely wrong, and that can end up being a really good thing. And right or wrong, they give me a chance to see a smart and creative actor taking a risk - which is why I'm there for four hours on a Sunday morning.

I have a habit of asking actors to repeat a scene making different choices. Sometimes I'll give them a character choice to play with, or an external circumstance to acknowledge; sometimes I'll just let them find a new choice to make. It's fun to watch - I'm tempted at times to throw us head on into the absurd: Take the scene again, and this time, you're walking through marshmallows up to your knees … this time, you're planning to kill her after the party … you're standing in line for the bathroom and you're both about to explode … oh, but those would be different auditions. For a different kind of show.

Still, Rebecca's writing allows for dramatically different choices, especially when you're only looking at a short scene. All of these actors need to play two characters (I guess that's debatable for Dana, but at the moment I think Darryl Strawberry counts as a separate character), so the more I can see of actors making very different choices the better.

Rebecca will be joining us for callbacks. We've talked a little bit about what we're looking for, and I'm excited to be able to collaborate with her. It should be fun.

Game two of the World Series is on the South Side this Sunday, starting just after we finish seeing actors for the day. Count me in the ranks of temporary traitors - I'm pulling for a Chicago championship. Let's go Sox.

Looking for energy

Listening to an old Ben Folds album the other day; he reminded me that "seconds pass slowly, years go flying by." Thankfully, years haven't flown by yet, but I looked at that time stamp from my last post, and I have to think, where the hell have I been?

I've been producing (Sextet with Eclipse Theatre), designing lights (Metamorphoses at West Leyden High School), and now just starting rehearsals as an actor (Talley and Son with Eclipse). I've been directing a short film, I've been reading plays for the Illinois High School Theatre Festival, and I've been looking at possible playwrights for Eclipse's 2007 and 2008 seasons. Oh, and I've been working. I spend most of my days sitting in a cubicle paying the bills that theatre doesn't seem to care about.

The years are going to keep flying, though, and March is starting to feel closer and closer. I'll be holding auditions for Sweetest Swing throughout October, and I'm starting to get a clear idea of what I'm looking for.

It's a surreal thing, by the way, to call actors in to auditions. I start with the massive pile of headshots and resumes that's accumulated in our office the last few years, and then add to that the piles and piles that come in when a theatre company puts a casting notice in Performink. And then I sift through them, and create yes and no piles. It's cold and heartless, or at least it feels that way sometimes (probably all the more so because I've spent so much time on the other side, and have found myself on the no pile frequently), but it's necessary.

I'm not looking so much at physical appearance when I look at headshots; of course that's part of it, and depending on the character it can be more or less relevant. I am looking at the picture, though, and it's difficult to articulate just what I'm looking for. It's an aura, maybe, or an energy. It's something in the eyes, or the body language, or the facial expression. I'm looking for something that tells me that this actor can connect with the core, etherial inner life of this character.